Playbook

What if expediency rather than normality and legality dictated the Trump regime's political strategy? No imagination is required.

“Um. Sir I need to give you a heads up about some fake news that will appear in the radical left wing media tomorrow.”

“Before I get into it sir I think it’s good to remind ourselves that Flight of the Valkyries was a piece of musical genius. The woke left can’t steal our European heritage from us! Did Hitler love Wagner’s music? Yes. But did that make it any less amazing? No, of course not. Just because something is associated with the Nazis, that doesn’t make it less good, right?”

“And I’m not saying the Nazis didn’t have plenty of faults. Of course they did. Hitler was a nut job. But what about Volkswagen? What about German efficiency? What about protecting Germany from foreign invaders and the Nazi’s courage in saying ‘we have an internal enemy which isn’t really part of the homeland, which is more like a cancer that we must be courageous enough to cut out of our body.’ So say what you want about the Nazis, but you have to acknowledge their courage.” Also, just like you, they were elected in a free and fair election.”

“What I’m saying, sir, is that sure the Nazi’s goals were odious, but the means to those goals were admirably efficient and effective. If there’s one thing you have shown me sir, time and again, is that you are a big fan of efficiency and effectiveness. You like Machiavelli’s philosophy in which the ends justify the means and just to be clear, we’re definitely not talking about Nazi ends, we’re talking about American ends, where all Americans have an equal playing field, not just the minorities. I also need to applaud your brilliantly invoking Napoleon’s words about he who saves a nation can break no law. Everyone knows that you are saving our nation and our democracy, so there’s no way you could commit a crime.”

“Sir you know that I am in awe of your fearlessness in slicing and dicing what must be sliced and diced in order to get our great nation back onto the tracks. And you know that I have worked tirelessly to use history as a source of inspiration to help implement your brilliant vision, and we’ve already talked about the fact that the Nazis, though having the wrong vision, were right up there with our Founding Fathers in knowing how to take effective action. I guess what I’m saying is that you are like a modern day Founding Father. A revolutionary who is brave enough to acknowledge that, ‘Yes, some in my administration may have used action plans lifted directly from records kept by the Nazis. But remember, Americans love their VWs, right! Fahrvergnugen! Flight of the Valkyries used in the soundtrack of Apocalypse Now. You love that movie! And Apple schnitzel. Americans love apple schnitzel. Even Jewish people like me love apple schnitzel.”

“So that’s what it comes down to Mr. President. If a Jew can say ‘Yes the Nazis were definitely bad, but the way they executed their badness was actually pretty good.’ Well I think we know how to respond to tomorrow’s fake news don’t we, Mr. President?”

“I think we do Stephen, now fetch me some of that schnitzel you were talking about.”